New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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