you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
