woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
