drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
