he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
