May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My feet surprised me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
