the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
