if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
