Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize