When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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