i think i have two assholes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize