Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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