You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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