If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
