I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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