you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
