Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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