So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
