She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
