I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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