My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
