The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
