I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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