The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
