you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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