OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
false alarm. still invincible.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
