I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
