I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You pole danced in your parka.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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