My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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