wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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