apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Houston, we have a blender
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
