He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Barsexuality is the new black.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
