last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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