Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
