A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
