there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
