it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
