I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
