i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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