i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
