sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
