then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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