I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
