I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
