I think I won the penis lottery.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
