put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
