I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
