Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
