So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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