Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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