i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
