you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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