just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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