the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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