Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
