Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
