I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
