my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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