I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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