At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
