my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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