but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
