I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize