Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
