So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
