he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
