Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
