i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
