I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She's the barista slut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
