Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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