So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
