Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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