No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
