i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
