I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
