My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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