im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
