he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
