You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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