From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
