Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
