you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
