sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
