I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
