That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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