OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
