I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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