Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
