The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
