so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
