RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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