I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
