I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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