I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
