I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
