There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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