I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
