I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
