you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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