I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
