Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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