When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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