No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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